Why a mission?

So I don't even know how blogs exactly work, but I'm so bored, and I wanted a record of my mission. This is taken straight out of my journal I kept while serving. I'm warning you that I tell my blunt feelings in some parts, and I'm sorry if you get offended at all. I loved my mission. I loved being a missionary, and it's extremely difficult to come home 13 months early. Nonetheless I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity I had.

I'll first start off telling how I ended up on a mission. I made the firm resolution that I was not going. I had decided not to go. I was finishing up my student teaching last spring and had a negative experience with that. They extended my graduation, and I was really questioning my desire to become a teacher. I think the adversary allows certain experiences and people to come into our lives to discourage us and in turn, question our faith. Anyway, after such a disappointing Spring, not just with the graduation, but with boys as well, I prayed long and hard about what I should do next in my life. I had a calm assurance and the most peaceful feeling I have ever felt. I knew the Lord wanted me to go and as soon as I made that decision, I became the happiest person on Earth.

I was a late bloomer missionary, meaning I was older. When I was 21, I decided I did not want to go on a mission at all. I wanted to do the complete opposite of that, and so I lived my life in a way that reflected that. That obviously didn't get me anywhere. I was miserable. I experienced some things that I am glad I did. These experiences helped me to grow tremendously, and I'm glad I was a late bloomer because I took the time to figure out what I wanted, and then I knew for a surety what to do. No answer was more clear.

After the decision, and especially after receiving my call to New Jersey, I felt Satan's influence stronger than ever before. I prepared to go to the Temple and had a good experience on the 12th of August 2009 to receive my endowment in the Bountiful Temple. A couple days later I had the special opportunity to see my good friend sealed in the Bountiful Temple as well.

People were overwhelmingly supportive, which was amazing. However, there were also those people who flat out told me I was crazy, and it's sad, because these people were those I considered my closest friends. Basically the Gospel has made me very happy and I want to share that with others. In case you haven't noticed, this world is lacking a lot of happiness.

This is all pre-mission. Now, I will go to 09/09/09 when I entered the Missionary Training Center.

09/09/09

Today I arrived at the MTC, and cried as I hugged Mom and Dad goodbye. So much has happened. We had class and I met my companion, Sister Allan, who is from Illinois. She's headed to the Mesa, Arizona Temple Visitor Center. She's pretty cool. I'm rooming with two other girls, who are going to Houston Texas East. One is Sister Smith, from Kaysville and other is Sister Mapa, from San Jose California. It's a rigorous schedule and I still feel like I lack a lot of confidence in teaching the gospel. Hopefully in three weeks, I'll be more prepared.

At first, I was a little disappointed that I wasn't learning a language. However, I finally decided I am so grateful I'm not learning a language. I think three weeks here will be plenty:)I still miss home and people, but I'm sure I'll be more focused soon enough.

09/10/09

Today was a good day. I hardly got any sleep lastnight, but felt the Spirit continually throughout the day. I have gained many insights. It amazes me that there are 2,000 missionaries here and they come from all over the world and they are going all over the world. I love my companion more and more each day. We have a lot in common. I am on the Lord's time. I am not going to waste it. I will do things the best I can, because I know the Lord will bless my efforts. It's only been one day and already I've learned so much. I still don't believe, or it hasn't sunk in that I'm here and for 18 months. We played basketball with the elders and then cooled down doing yoga.

09/11/09

Today I wasn't really feeling the Spirit, and it was bothering me. Sister Allan and I didn't really know what to study during companionship study. We kept getting distracted. Brother Davis, one of our teachers, taught us this evening and it was extremely powerful, and I'm so happy that I felt the Spirit. He did an activity where we taught him(as a district), according to his needs, and he was himself. We learned all about him, and how he was struggling just as a 24 year old going to school and dating, and we prayed for him and really taught him. It was wonderful! I cannot describe how amazing it was. Before he got there, the class was goofing off and it was making me a little upset, but he's the best and turned it completely around. We prayed at least 5 separate times just during the lesson. As a missionary, we pray ALL the time. Before we do anything...there's a prayer. It's an adjustment. The four sisters(me included) all had different options back home, but we chose to take this path in life. I am so grateful for the guiding influences that led me here.

09/12/09

Gym time was awesome. I got a great work out and lifted weights. Also, personal study was awesome. I just wanted to feel comforted and more confident because my first teaching experience today with an "investigator" did not go well at all. I asked for help in a prayer. Prayer is amazing! Seriously...answer to all of life's struggles right there! Pray! It was just about my mission. I read Doctrine and Covenants 24-31. It was just very comforting. Also, we listened to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's conference talk, a Miracle of a Mission. It was very eye opening.

Tonight, we got to go outside during class and stand on a bench and teach about the Restoration. It was fun and nerve wracking at first, but a good experience. We've also been discussing a lot about our special authority from God. It's very humbling to have that power. I'm tired and drained, but it's great. I love the sisters and I love the work, and thank goodness I am here. It's the best gift a 22 year old could have and the best thing I will have done in my life.

09/13/09

Today was more relaxed because it's Sunday. Relief Society was good. We listened to Music and the Spoken Word and the General Primary President spoke to us, Cheryl Lant. I really enjoyed her talk. I met the Branch President and his wife today. They're President Calder and Sister Calder. I'm surrounded by great people, so it's difficult to not feel the Spirit, which of course, is a good thing.

My companion and I decided not to join the MTC choir, so we walked over to the Provo Temple and took some pictures. It was a beautiful day and nice to get outside and stretch a bit. There's been lots of sitting lately. I'm still finding it hard to quit the slang words, but I'm doing my best. I feel really bad for sliding down the rail next to the stairs. I've gotta stop being myself:)The fireside was awesome. It's so cool to sing in there with thousands of missionaries, most of them elders. It was powerful. Then we watched another good devotional from Elder Holland.

09/14/09

It's weird that it feels normal to be here. Our teaching experience at the TRC today was excellent. We just teacher member volunteers pretending to be investigators. I was nervous, but it went really well and it made me so happy. It's been getting cold and rainier. However, our dorm's thermostat is broken and it's like 90 degrees in here. It's pretty much unbearable. I think the lack of sleep is getting to everybody, because today in class, everyone was dying of laughter. It's been a great day. I think it's been my favorite day so far.

We went to the referral center this evening where you can make inbound or outbound calls to people throughout the world who want a Book of Mormon or the missionaries to visit them. It was an interesting experience. I'm excited for Pday tomorrow.

09/15/09-09/16/09

09/15/09
Today was great. I was able to write letters, and do laundry. We got to go to the Temple. At dinner, I found out that an Elder in our district went home, and that made me really sad. He seriously was my favorite. I pray that he will be okay. Tonight's devotional was really good. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland and his wife came and spoke to us. I love his passion for missionary work and it motivates me more every time to be better.

09/16/09
Companionships are really inspired. I really love Sister Allan and am so grateful she's my companion. Today was an excellent day. I got some letters from people, which is always exciting. I got to be an investigator at the teaching extravaganza, which gave me an interesting perspective to not be the teacher for once. I'm anxious to get to NJ, but the Lord is on my side, so why should I fear? Many new missionaries arrived at the MTC today, and it was difficult to see. The first day is hard for everyone. It's hard to believe that just a week ago, I was that new completely lost missionary. I don't feel homesick. I know my family is being protected and doing well. I'm glad to hear that Grandma is improving.

09/17/09

Today we went to the TRC to teach "investigators" again. This time I didn't enjoy it and didn't have a good experience, but that's okay because it makes the good experiences so much sweeter. I got my travel plans already. I'm flying with three elders to Philadelphia on September 29. I'm kind of nervous, because I have no idea what I am doing. Never flown. Tonight we were able to go to the referral center and take inbound calls and chats from people. I talked to someone named Tracey from Pennsylvania and got to bear my testimony about the Book of Mormon. She was a nice lady, and I'm glad I was able to talk to her. I am so tired! And then I lose 2 hours when I go to New Jersey. The days are long, but the weeks are short. It's autumn time! I love it outside. Today we saw a rainbow among the dark clouds and got some district pictures. It was good.

09/18/09-09/19/09

09/18/09
Today was a good day. Right now it's kinda crazy, because 2 sisters are moving into our dorm right now. Sister Salinas from Argentina and her companion is from Peru. They are going to the Temple Square mission. We went to the referral center for Missionary Directed Time, and I really felt the Spirit tonight in Brother Davis' class. He taught us that simplicity is good because we have a "mormon" language that just goes right over peoples' heads. Time for lights out. Can't write anymore tonight:(

09/19/09
Ok, so the new sisters have this stupid rooster alarm clock that goes off at 5 in the morning. It cock-a-doodle doos. Anyway, the day didn't start off too well, because I forgot my soap and towel in the shower, and our RC appointment stood us up. The day ended well, though. The elders are always teasing me about my "teacher look." Apparently I give the look of death or something. I am extremely tired, but happy. Happy to be in the present and this precise moment in my life. Happy Sabbath tomorrow!

09/20/09

Today was long. Everyday is long. I'm exhausted. I want to go to bed. I played the piano in sacrament meeting. The fireside was good. The Sunday night movie was boring. ABout one more week and I'm out of here. I'm excited to leave the Texas district. Ugh. Seriously, and am glad Elder Johnson is coming with me to NJ. He's like my older brother, even though he's 3 years younger.

It was a beautiful sunny day and the temperatures are getting cooler. I really don't know what to write. I'm missing my friends a lot lately. Okay, so I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. It's too crammed in here with 6 sisters. I know this church is true. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet and that God and his son appeared to him and gave him the authority through Peter, James, and John to restore the fullness of the Gospel.

09/22/09-09/23/09

Oops...missed a day. Just know that I was dancing in the bathroom, sliding down the rail, and wearing my towel as a cape. Haha...calm down.
09/22/09
Well, what a magnificent day! I love writing letters and catching up on laundry. We went to the Temple, and then to the Tuesday night devotional and heard some good talks by Elder and Sister Clayton who is in the Presidency of the Seventy. Then we had district meeting after. It was so good. I was happy to get a letter from the parentals and a package from someone. I'm already getting ready to leave next week. Aaah!
09/23/09
We were late for class, so we had to do a door approach. Class was long. I'm tired....

09/24/09

We found a piano room and practiced for a bit. We played basketball with the Elders. We went to the TRC, where we taught a member investigator about the Word of Wisdom. It went well. It was the last time there. Brother Davis just told stories about himself in class. It was a beautiful day and I set some new goals: be more positive, make good use of all my time. Memorize a new scripture everyday. I am so glad Sister Allan is my companion. I don't know what I would do without her.
Tonight in class, we went to a piano room, sang 5 songs and each looked up scriptures and bore testimony about the Atonement. It was wonderful. The Atonement isn't just applicable to the people we are teaching, but to us as missionaries in the MTC. He didn't just die for us, he lives for us as well. I didn't know he suffered the sins and pains of everyone twice. Once was in the Garden and then he suffered the same thing again on the cross.

09/25/09

Today for service we cleaned the sinks and showers. It was fun playing with the pressure hose. In the afternoon our district practiced a musical number that we are performing on Sunday. It was hard to stay focused in the afternoon during companionship study. It was so beautiful outside and we sat on the grass and just got tired. Our musical number is beautiful and I'm playing the piano. It's called "how great shall be your joy." In the evening we went to the RC, with no luck, because Friday nights are slow. I love this mission, and I'm going to miss my companion.

09/26/09

My companion and I just found out that our patriarchal blessing number is the same. That is crazy! Elder Serdar received a package full of cold pizza and Arby's sandwiches, which was pretty cool. Today was my last gym time and the last time all our district will be together in class, so we got some cool pictures. Today, we prepared to teach Brother Davis(as an investigator) about the law of tithing. My companion and I went in there and he wouldn't look at us and acted all cold. Sister Allan started teaching the lesson, and I just stopped her and asked him if everything was okay. I told him we were there for him, and he could tell us what was going on. He said he usually goes hard on missionaries and doesn't open up, but we got him to. Yay! It was so great and a very neat experience. It's about people and you have to adjust to fit their needs, not just expect to tell a lesson or do what you plan every time.

It's fast Sunday and a very busy Sunday tomorrow. We practiced our musical number again today, and I love it! I am excited. Three weeks was a good amount of time to be here. There's only so much you can do before you get out there, ya know?

09/27/09

What a great fast Sunday. I fasted for many things. There's a lot on my mind. There were so many meetings and firesides today and a departure devotional. Wow, so many meetings, but they were very inspirational. I really felt the Spirit today. I'm getting ready to go. I will pack and do my laundry tomorrow. Hopefully the Elders will behave, because I'm responsible for anything that happens. It was a good day. I'm good and tired and can tell I'm going to be a very changed person when this big adventure is all over.

09/30/09

I arrived here lastnight. The plane ride was pretty fun. We arrived a little early, so the pilot just kept on flying in circles, which made everyone completely nauseus coming down, including myself. It's very green and populated here. Philadelphia is scary. I don't like it. Jersey is beautiful. The houses are amazing. It's like a forest everywhere you go, with squirrels and groundhogs running around. The mission president and his wife made green enchiladas, green beans, green rolls and butter, green soda, green salad, and green pie to symbolize our "greenie hood." It was delicious and much more than I could eat. I have a feeling that I'm going to gain weight.

Jersey also has a lot of blueberries and cranberries. It's so different being in the minority and people really look at you weird with the nametag. I got to talk to Mom, and Dad yesterday at the airport. They sound like they are doing well. General conference this weekend!

10/01/09

I met my new companion yesterday. I'm in a threesome companionship for a week with Sister Largo and Sister Tollefsen. Sister Largo is my trainer and will be my companion when we move to Sewell next week. Right now we are in Pennsville. I was so tired yesterday. I had a hard time staying awake. We got up and exercised this morning. We visited some members lastnight. The people here are really cool.

We planned for the transfer(6 weeks) until about 2:00 P.M. and then made this awesome cake for a recent convert's birthday. We went to the Bishop's storehouse to do service. We took orders for food and tied quilts. It was great. It was even sunny today. We were going to ride the bus to Swedesbore(where the Bishop's storehouse is) and we were standing at the bus stop. The bus driver drove up like he was going to stop, but then discovered our nametags, so he zoomed off. I have now lost faith in NJ transit. That's just discrimination. We went and sang to some people. Apparently I sing in front of people now.

10/02/09

Today after we jogged, did our studies, and inspected our car, we went over to Sandy's, who's an investigator. She didn't understand the works and grace thing. She thinks it's freely given, but she doesn't understand that works just means doing your best and repenting, trying to become a better person everyday. She wants to believe the church is true, but her friends and daughter are pushing her away from that.

We at lunch at Wawa(only in the East) If you don't know what a Wawa is, well then you're just crazy. Then we went to the Thomson's. I love them! They are my favorite! They live in a log cabin in the woods. It's strange, because I'm building relationships with these people, and then next week I'm moving to a different area.

We visited a member who just got out of the hospital and she reminds me of my sister in law. Her poodle stinks though. We drove through Salem (mini Camden=not a safe place!) Very crime-filled. It's weird how there's city, ocean, ghetto, and very emaculent. We were on our way to a dinner appointment which fell through. That seems to happen quite a bit. I figure that's normal. However, the elders were there and they were able to open our jar of salsa! hooray! Chips and salsa! We've been trying to open that stupid jar for days. People here say water like "wooder." Everyone does. They also say "yous," which is like y'all.

I love serving. What a blessing to be able to do so every minute of everyday. Wow. I see God's hand in everything I do. It's very evident.

10/03/09

Today we went tracting. Most people aren't interested, or very involved in their own faith. It's strange when people say that I have an accent. We watched General Conference at Sue's house on a little laptop. She is a recent convert. She's awesome. She just got introduced to Genealogy and has 3000 names from her own family to do temple work for. She's the most inspiring lady. I think she's a stronger member of the church than I am. She's telling everyone about the church and people are getting baptized. My companion taught her. She's waiting to meet her German fiancee, who is in Africa at the moment so he can get baptized and they can get married. The met over the internet. She's so excited to receiver he "patriotic" blessing. Haha.

We ate her cake we made for her, and some pizza between conferences. I've decided I'm going to be in the Mormon Tabernacle choir. It's now one of my life goals. They announced a new Brigham City Utah Temple today!!

In the evening, we visited a Jewish man. He's a very intellectually religious person. He loves talking religion and loves the missionaries. He gave us cookies, hot chocolate, and tons of ice cream. I just feel like I ate a bucket of chocolate. He respects us young people coming out here. He says it's very character building. He's an interesting fellow. I'm excited for Sewell/Glassboro: college town. Conference was great. I never really got much out of conference before, but I realized you do have to prepare spiritually beforehand to really enjoy and appreciate it.

10/04/09, 10/07/09

10/04/09
This morning we drove over to the church in Sharptown, which is the most beautiful town ever. It's my favorite. The chapel only has 5 pews. It was very hard to stay awake during conference. It took all my will power. We visited Ashley, a 15 year old recent convert. She's very amazing. Kids are giving her a hard time at school, but she loves this church and will do anything for it. We ate dinner at the Finley's, who are new in the ward. They are a young married couple-been married for 7 years. Way nice, super fun people who used to live in Saint George.

Everyone here is big on spinach, blueberries, and cranberries. They're part of every meal. The Elders came with us(Elder Kay and Akers). Elder Kay reminds me of someone I used to date...

10/07/09
The past 24 hours, I went on a Spanish exchange. It was so much fun. My companions were at the D.C. temple all day. I was able to get some shopping done. Anyway, it was a good day. Tomorrow I move again. Hopefully it goes well.

10/09/09-10/10/09

10/09/09
I am now in Pitman. I really like it so far. Today we were able to have lunch with an investigator named Dutchess. She's a 74 year old woman, who basically just likes company and someone to cook for. A member fed us dinner. She just got baptized last year and is just living with her 5 year old son. She's planning on going to the temple next week. We took over the Elders area, and we're both new to the area, so it's pretty stressful. We reorganized the elder's tracting box and area book tonight. Much improved.

10/10/09
Today was fabulous and I'm not even lying. We started off the day by visiting sister Streeter, a member who is 82 years old. Then we went to another member's home. She has Lou Gehrig's disease and is not in very good condition. Both extremely sweet ladies. We then went to Cowtown and did a street meeting. Very diverse people there. This is where it gets good. We went to visit Rita, a former investigator, who let us right in. She was surprised to see sisters. I think it's exactly what she needs. She then referred us across the way to Kathy and Don, who let us in as well! They were smoking the whole time, but very welcoming people. We have return appointments. We then visited another member. Very sweet! I love the people here! She gave us some hot chocolate and we went with her across the street to help an old lady to the bathroom. It's what she does all day. She was watching Lawrence Welk, which totally made me think of Mom and home.
Got a letter from my Madre. She always says she's so proud of me. I honestly think that's why I'm out here, for my family members. I'm doing this for them. Anyway, what an excellent day. I'm a little nervous to go to the ward tomorrow, but have faith that things really do happen the way they are supposed to. Everything has a purpose, place, and order. Peace out for now homes~

10/12/09

Happy Birthday Russell today! Some people really do just need sisters. We can get to some places that the elders can't. It's an advantage. Church went okay yesterday. I'm overloaded with way too many names to remember. I'm a greenie, so they love me. I felt completely smothered. It's a large ward and a large building. The ward got a new bishop yesterday. The former bishop is now an assistant to our mission president. Having difficulties with the companion. This morning we did some tracting. It's so cold now! One lady slammed the door in my face. That was sure pleasant. I'm ready for bed now. The mission is a roller coaster. It's only noon.

Later in the day) Well, I was right about the roller coaster thing. It turned out to be a pretty good day. We tracted all afternoon. We had Family Home Evening at the McNaughton's. They fed us amazing food. Other members were there too. We played some sweet games. Jacob-a 5 year old boy, always gives me hugs and high fives. When I end up with a child, I know I'm just going to spoil them rotten. I really am.

Also, on Thanksgiving, Bro. McNaughton dresses up as a turkey and runs around the yard. Nobody's allowed to eat until the turkey is caught. We just throw stuff at him trying to hit him. They are the funnest people!

I just try to live in the present, take one day at a time, or even on minute at a time. Live in the present! Otherwise, everything will become way too stressful and overwhelming. I'm sad we can't have the heater on. It is so very cold and that just takes too much electricity. We're being careful on saving our miles on our car. We're allotted so much for each month, and the elders already took a lot before we got here and took over their car. Anyway, I just ate a ton of sugar. Hopefully I am able to sleep. *Note to self: running in place will completely kill your calves and make them hurt bad!!!*

10/13/09

We went to district meeting this morning in Woodstown. I played the piano. We rode with the Mantua Elders, rather, they rode with us (Elders Thielen and Holladay) Then, we worked. Then, we ate dinner at the Collier's....for 3 hours. They are an older stake missionary couple. They are in charge of the addiction recovery center. It was so fun. They are both converts. In fact, I've noticed that about New Jersey. Everyone is a convert. It's weird if you've been in the church your entire life, whereas in Utah, it's more unusual to be a convert. When people find out you're from Utah, they kinda just roll their eyes and say "of course."

Sister Largo and I have been freaking out earlier today because when you look in the bathroom mirror at the shower wall, it says murder. Then, weird things have been happening, like the lights will just go off, and papers have been flying off the table. Come to find out, Holladay and Thielen wrote murder backwards on the shower wall with a dry erase marker, then erased it. It's barely noticeable, because they couldn't get it off. They had the apartment before us. Anyway, they had quite the laugh when we were being scared. They said it made their mission. They were going to put goldfish in the toilet as well. Ugh...Elders...

10/14/09

Yay for Preparation day. We did our laundry early this morning, and emailed our family. We then played basketball at the church with the elders. I totally beat them, then felt bad afterward, because I know guys hate girls beating them. I love basketball. Always have. Rediscovered another life goal: Bball.

The elders came over to clean our shower wall, but then decided to leave more surprises for us. They barely unscrewed the light bulbs just enough, so when you flip the switch, the light doesn't turn on. So none of our lights were working until we figured that out. They hid pillows off the couch, took the leaf out of our table (still can't find that), switched our toothpaste, and set our alarms for 2:00 in the morning. Thielen called us and fessed up to that one. Said he wanted to repent. Now, we have to find a way to get them back before they move out of the area next week. We're taking over two areas! Aaaahhh! So many people. I can't keep track.

Tonight we visited some members. They are in pretty bad shape. We'll be doing a lot of service for them in regards to cleaning their house and such. They are very sweet though. Love 'em. Anywhos, I gotta hit the hay y'alls.

10/15/09-10/16/09

10/15/09
All of our appointments fell through today. WE had to drop Rita, because she went and talked to her Pastor and he told her to stay away from us and that we were just confusing her. This frustrates me. Don and Kathy aren't feeling well, but they look forward to us coming next week. It was the coldest day yet and we had pouring rain all day. We just planned a lot. Not much happened. I was able to take a short nap and get rid of my headache, though. I found today pleasantly relaxing.

10/16/09
Happy fourth birthday to Lily today! Poured again all day. We did a lot of tracting. The people in the condos were mean. No one would even answer their door. Then, we tracted one street, which I really enjoyed. It all just kinda depends on the people. Tonight we cleaned someone's kitchen. There were bugs everywhere. Gross gross gross! It was good to serve them, though. We improved the place a little. They ordered a pie for us(pizza). I'm very tired. I know, I say that all the time.

10/17/09

Okay, this is going to be really horrible of me, but I need to complain to someone. I figure I'll tell my journal. I hate being cold all the time. I hate dogs. I hate not being able to listen to music or drive. I hate being tired all the time, and I hate not seeing a familiar face. I hate waiting for letters, then not getting any. I miss friends and hanging out on a Saturday night. I miss my brother's funny impressions of people. I miss normal clothes. All that is just useless anyway. I'm here for such a greater cause, and to think that...makes me really sad. I am way too selfish.

Today we went to the Family History Conference at the stake center. It was 10 hours long and basically I directed people to the bathroom the entire time. In the morning we have choir, church, correlation. Another long day. Goodnight, I've had it with accents and smelly animals today.

10/20/09

Wow. Well, it has been an interesting last little bit. I realized that when my luggage tore when I got here, it tore around my garments, so they kind of protected my luggage I think. Also, a couple days ago, we visited some members. Stefani started crying when we got there. She was depressed and looking for some comfort from God, and then we showed up. After that we visisted a single dad, outside his door. On Sunday, he came to church for the first time since the early nineties. I know we can't take full credit for that, but I would like to claim some.

We ate dinner at the stake President's house. They had some friends visiting from Idaho, and they called up my parents to tell them they saw me. Everyone's excited about the Philadelphia Temple coming soon. Groundbreaking is next year. President told us where it's going to be. Nobody else really knows yet.

Yesterday I was on a Spanish exchange in Bridgeton with Hermana Martinez. It was very difficult. Didn't understand a word all day. Heavenly Father is really showing me how well he knows and loves me. Today was my first Zone Conference. I bore my testimony and said a prayer. I got a letter from my MTC companion, but not home! What the crud! It's been 11 days. I was thinking about how I wanted to go home all day, and then God gives me the greatest comfort in knowing this is where I need to be. Unbelievable. I can't explain it. I just was looking at the picture of Christ looking over Jerusalem in a member's home. It gave me the greatest peace of mind. We ate dinner at the Drinkwater's home, then went to the Downing's #1 and #2.

I'm grateful for taking comfort in my savior. I said before how I'm hour here for my family, but ultimately, I'm out here for my savior. He's making my burdens light, and loves me so much. That's why I have my wonderful family. I'm so grateful for my parents teaching me the way of truth, and I never know I could love my family so much. When I got set apart to be a missionary, I was told that this experience would draw my family closer together. I truly believe that.

10/21/09

Grandma died this morning at 1:30. I hope Mom is okay. I know she's in a good place, reunited with husband, family, and son. I love that woman. She was the only grandparent I had ever known. She's amazing, and I know she's at peace. It was a good day. Got to take a nap, do laundry, and shop and enjoy the park. Goodnight.

10/22/09

Today was interesting. Got a letter from home. Second day in a row. We finally got in contact with Sunny! She signed her baptismal record. We caught her in the parking lot. It was hilarious because the Mantua Elders called during our prayer before going in. I answered after the prayer and the call ended. They called back and were mad because they thought I hung up on them. Then, Sunny is coming up to us in the parking lot, so I had to hang up on them then. It was the funniest thing ever. This guy came up to me and needed money for a bus ticket. I reached in my bag to help him, and Sis. Largo stopped me. He then got mad at her and told me to keep my heart free. Then he was on his way. Tomorrow is a busy day, so I'm going to get some shut-eye. Loves and kisses and warmest wishes.

10/24/09

I walked away from everything for the thing that gave me everything-the Gospel. Today was good. I love tracting. Haha. Yesterday was return and report. This is where the Greenies go back to the mission home and we share our experiences with each other so far. It's freakin' hard to be a greenie, I realized. I think it gets better. Yesterday after that, we went with Elders Thielen and Holladay to teach Brandon, an investigator. We taught the plan of salvation. The spirit was there and pretty much Elder Thielen is amazing.

President called Thursday morning and expressed sympathy about my Grandma. That was nice of him. He served in Korea for 3 years and 2 grandparents died while he was out. I got a letter from Kristen today! Love that girl's guts. She's enjoying married life. I bought a memory book. Holladay and Thielen are the first ones to write in it. I'm like never going to see them again. It makes me so sad. Ate chinese food tonight. Thinking about what Brenda's doing. It is Saturday night. We met a German lady today...very stuck in her ways. Love her though. She's very much into finances, economy, etc. and went off about it for quite some time.

We taught Mike for the first time today. The bishop was there and we were preparing to teach about the sabbath day (because the elders taught him everything else, we thought). Bishop, who is his friend and introduced him to the missionaries in the first place, decided to start at the beginning, and then he kinda just took over the whole lesson. It was weird. Hopefully it will be better in the future. Rained like crazy tonight. I've never seen rain like this, coming down in sheets. It does not do this in Utah. A very busy day manana so return with honor and keep the faith. That's the only thing Satan wants is your honor.

10/25/09

Ok, so I have to tell a story I forgot to last week. Sacrament meeting is the last of the three hour block, but the first week we got here, they had it the first hour, so last week, we sat in the chapel, waiting for sacrament meeting to begin. It wasn't until halfway through the first song, that we noticed it was only men in there. We walked out, realizing it was priesthood. The elders and others got a good laugh at us. It was pretty funny actually. Houses are totally decked out for Halloween! Holy crud. People go completely crazy here with their decoration. Also, it has motivated me a ton knowing how people pray for me. As a missionary, you get a least a million prayers a day in your behalf, and it's very humbling. Wow.

Today we sang in the choir. Relief society was great. It was about conquering loneliness through the Atonement. It was hard to not cry. I didn't cry, though. Mike came to Sunday school and sacrament and so did Lorrie, a lady we ran into the other day. She gave us complete credit in front of everyone and has wondered why no one has found her yet. Not that I need credit...I don't, but it's nice to see someone happier because of something you did. She didn't know where the church was or anything. She was loved by a lot of people there today. Sister Largo and I spoke in sacrament meeting. Six hours at church today.

We had dinner at the McNaughton's and said goodbye to the Mantua Elders:(Sad day. It was a perfect day actually...except my stomach hurts. Something is wrong with it. I started collecting a bunch of leaves and am making a ginormous collage. We also made cute little thank-you cards for families that have us over for dinner. We fold little papers into the shape of a shirt, and they have a tie and a badge like a missionary. Way cute and we kind of hide them for families that have us over. We have a dinner appointment every night this week!

10/27/09

We had a good dinner with a cute family with 4 kids, 2 dogs, a bird, a cat, and 2 fish. (it's VERY unusual for a house in new Jersey to NOT have at least 5 pets.) Their oldest has cystic fibrosis. Cute family! The youngest reminds me of my niece. We went to some other people in the ward lastnight, which they would not stop talking. Oh my heck, couldn't get a word in if I wanted to. They gave us a ton of referrals though. Their daughter is 21 and thinking about going on a mission. She's in charge of LDSSA at Rowan University. She's cool. Anyway, a ton of Jersey people are like that. They will talk and talk and talk for days. My job is to sit and act interested, which at 9:00 P.M. is the most difficult thing in the world to do.

This morning we had district meeting. I gave a talk on bearing testimony. I also played the piano. It went very well. It was another day to start out with, that I didn't want to be here, and I wanted to cry every second(but didn't) thank goodness. I've gotten pretty good at controlling it.

President and Sister Winegar sent me a card with a picture of the D.C. temple on it and a note expressing sympathy for my Grandma passing and gratitude for my sacrifice. It was a rainy day. Then, like all days that I start out being all depressed, it turned into the most miraculous day ever. We stopped by a referral, but it was the wrong house. Anyway, she told us we could stop back. Then, we remembered the potential house we stopped by before, a couple houses down. We thought we would try again. This was the actual referral. She let us right in, told us she had missionaries in the past. Her mom and daughter are members. Her husband walks in. She believes we aren't wrong, but she follows her husband and whatever he does. If he decides to pursue something, she will. If not, then she won't. We were about to leave, but he walks in. We set up an appointment for next week. They fed us dinner while we were there. They have a cute 12 year old daughter. Pretty much the most perfect family I have ever met.

We shared a scripture: Proverbs 3:5-6. The wife was telling us that everytime her husband has prayed, looking for a sign or something, the missionaries have shown up, which was like 3 other times. Before we left, he said, "shoulda known you would be here," meaning he prayed again, and we showed up. Greatest. Feeling. Ever.

Then we went to the Ward Halloween Activity. We helped with the bean bag toss game into buckets shaped like pumpkins. There was a duct tape costume contest. Everyone got glow sticks and loads of candy. The kids were running around like crazy. Great day.

This is just a side note(February 20, 2010)

Ok, so I haven't been keeping up with this, and it's not going to continue for awhile. In almost every single one of these posts, I have been crying my eyes out, and right now I'm not emotionally capable of going through all this again. It's hard for me to think about my mission right now. Then there's that great question of "why?" Why did I only go for 5 months, why did Heavenly Father want me to come home? Why do I have to be here now? Why do I have to feel ripped off all the time? I may never know why, but I do know that my life has completely changed. My plan is no more. It's Heavenly Father's plan now. Just trying to figure out what he wants me to do.

You would think, "Why wouldn't Heavenly Father want me to be on a mission?" Isn't that the best place for anybody to be? Well, after many long talks with my mission president, stake president, and several bishops, it is clear that that is not the best answer for everybody. In many cases, it makes things worse. It's difficult to understand if you haven't experienced a mission, and my situation is a little different. I Still haven't really explained it to anybody, so I feel no one understands, and there's no way they could, unless they were there.

I'm not going to lie, my faith took a major hit. There are times when I wanted to just throw my hands up and say "I'm done" It really makes no sense. Yeah Yeah yeah, I know things don't have to make sense, but it would really be nice to have some understanding as to why my life turned upside down. I'm just trying each day...trying to be content, trying to help others, trying to be a little better, trying to pray again...that's basically all I can do right now...is try.

I do know that Heavenly Father loves me. I know it. It's evident in everything that surrounds us. I will get back to this blog eventually. I'm sure no one has read this far anyway. I started it as a way to get my emotions out and deal with them in a constructive manner. Well, I'm off to bed. Hey I'm not even crying tonight. What a blessing.